Things I’m grateful for 20180104

  1. Being able to hold my tongue (most of the time)
  2. Cuddling with my boys
  3. Hope for a better future
  4. A supportive mom
  5. My therapist
  6. My faith
  7. People posting resources online
  8. Nature
  9. Small towns
  10. Love

I still love my wife

It’s a weird situation.

My wife told me almost six months ago she wants a divorce.

She was thinking about it a long time before that.

We still live together.  We sleep in different rooms.

She hasn’t filed for divorce yet.  She talks about it occasionally, though.

I’m not really in a hurry.  I just wish I knew for sure what was going on.

I still think the world of her.

She has plenty of flaws.  I’m sure she knows that better than I do.

She wanted to be with me when I could barely support myself.

She was supportive of me when I was laid off and couldn’t find another job.

She worked to support our family so I could go to college.

She forgave me the first time I told her I’d been lying to her and that I was addicted to porn.

She stayed with me when I told her I wasn’t going to finish my degree.

Best of all, she’s given me two sweet, wonderful little boys.

I hate that I hurt her.  Again.

It hurts me to lose her.

Whatever happens though, I want her to be happy.

My artist friend

He lived down the hall from me.  Everyone in the dorm had to share a room.  After the first term his roommate left school, so he had the room to himself.

I’d talk to him about the woes of my love life.  He was a good listener and he’s share stories of his own.  Sometimes we’d go for long walks together.  Once we even walked to the next town, six miles away.

It was the end of the school year.  I asked if I could move in with him.  He was reluctant at first.  He enjoyed having a room to himself.

I explained the difficulties I’d been having with my roommate.  He agreed to let me move in.

I broke up with my first serious girlfriend/fiancee.  I called him and told him what happened.  I hadn’t seen him for a few years.  He was going to school an hour and a half away.  He invited me to come visit him the next day.  He spent the day with me.  He introduced me to some of his friends and showed me around campus.  He asked me to consider going to school there.

That was the last time I saw him.

I’ve contacted him several times since then, most recently on Facebook.  It’s not the same.

I miss my friend.

I’m so glad I met him.