I don’t know if I ever really liked myself.
If I did I don’t remember.
I’d tell myself I was stupid. Ugly. Bad.
You get the idea.
I’m not stupid. There’s plenty of proof of that.
Beauty is subjective. So is ugliness. All of my significant others have told me I’m handsome. So has my mom. 😉
We all do good things. We all do bad things. I’ve done plenty of bad things. Some indefensible. But I try to be a good man. I think that counts for a lot.
We all have hard times. They’re a part of life.
We all need help. We need support. From others, and from ourselves.
Life is tough.
Don’t make it tougher than it has to be.
I found out this morning that my job is being eliminated at the end of the year.
I had no idea anything like this would happen before today.
Maybe a month ago I asked my manager about two similarly named services our company offers. One is the service I support. The other is a similar service.
She said that some clients are being moved from our service to the other one. She said not to worry. The process would take years. I would most likely be trained to support the other service long before we stopped supporting the current one.
She believed it when she said it. I’m sure of that.
It’s not the first time I’ve been laid off. The last time I had no warning.
That’s the danger of being too dependent on one income.
One person can make a decision which can throw your whole future into doubt.
I know it wasn’t my manager’s decision. The decision was made by someone above her. Probably someone I’ve never met. Someone who doesn’t know or care about me.
I’m not sure what I’m going to do at this point.
Getting one full-time job doesn’t seem like the smartest option, though.
“If you hate your job, you hate your life.”
– Dale Partridge
I really want to quit. But I feel like I can’t.
I’m burning out. Burned out. Beyond burned out.
And no one seems to care.
“Just keep going. We’re depending on you!”
I’m running myself into the ground.
First-world problems, I know…
Maybe I’m just tired.
I never want to hear that phone ring again.
Why can’t people ever think for themselves?
In my dark moods I think some people are too stupid to live.
I’m tired of being a doormat.
I feel like my work is stupid and meaningless.
I hate myself for doing something only for money and being so gutless.
How much longer do I have to keep doing this?