My wife told me at the end of June that she wanted to separate.
This wasn’t the first time she’d said that. This time was different, though. This time she wouldn’t be talked out of it.
She felt like she couldn’t trust me anymore.
I’d lied to her about watching porn. That was worse than the fact that I’d been watching porn.
Six months earlier I’d decided to come clean to her. We’d been going through marriage counseling, and I started feeling a lot closer to her.
I knew my lies were getting in the way of us getting closer.
One night she confessed something to me. So I confessed to her that I’d been lying.
At first she seemed ok. By the time I came home from work the next day I could tell she wasn’t ok.
She went into a deep depression for several months. I was worried, but I didn’t know what I could do. Most of the things I tried to do were mistakes.
We went through cycles. She’d let me know she wasn’t happy with me. I’d work hard at being the best husband ever. After a while I’d slack off. I couldn’t stick with it. She’d get upset again.
She was gentle when she told me. More gentle than I expected. I cried. She comforted me.
I told her I was really going to change this time. I meant it when I said it.
Eventually I got used to the idea. She was going to divorce me no matter what I did.
I decided once we were divorced I’d change. I’d become the best version of myself, and hope she’d like the new me. Then maybe she’d want me back.
Later it sunk in that she was probably never going to take me back.
Now I’ve accepted it. I’m ready to move on with my life.