I’m a scared little boy

So many things I haven’t done because I was afraid.

So many things I have done because I was afraid.

I let fear rule my life.

Fear is the main reason I haven’t started any businesses yet.

Fear is why I don’t get closer to people.

Open up to them.

Express myself.

I’ve done jobs I’ve hated for most of my adult life because I was afraid to try something new.

I’m tired of being afraid.

Things I’m grateful for 20180104

  1. Being able to hold my tongue (most of the time)
  2. Cuddling with my boys
  3. Hope for a better future
  4. A supportive mom
  5. My therapist
  6. My faith
  7. People posting resources online
  8. Nature
  9. Small towns
  10. Love

Finding my voice

Several months ago my therapist asked me what I wanted.  I wasn’t really sure.

He told me to find my voice.

I wasn’t sure what that even meant.  Isn’t it that sound I make when I talk?  The one that sounds so horrible when someone records it and plays it back?

I’m still not sure exactly what I want.  I have a vague, hazy idea.  It used to be better defined.

I wanted to be with my family.  To be able to spend time with them.

I wanted to move to a small town.  I wanted to buy some land outside of town and build a house.

I wanted to start a few internet businesses.  I wanted to work from home.

I wanted to help other people.  I wanted to make a difference.

I still want those things.  I never had a clear idea of how to get there.

Now it’s even less clear.

I’ve found my voice in another way.  I’ve found a way to express myself.

I hope it will help me get what I want.