My wife doesn’t. At least that’s what she says.
Since she’s divorcing me it doesn’t matter.
I don’t want to get married again right away. I want to become the man I know I have the potential to be. The wife I find now may not be compatible with the man I want to become.
I love babies. Whenever I see babies or toddlers it makes me want another.
It’s not because I don’t love my boys.
They’ve been asking my wife for years when she’s going to give them a little sister.
A few weeks ago they told me Mommy didn’t want to have another baby. I reminded them about the divorce. They seemed sad.
I told them I was probably going to get remarried, and when that happened I might have another baby. They were happy about that.
When my oldest was born I wasn’t excited. I’m ashamed of that.
He showed me how wonderful being a dad is. He made me want to have another. Now I have two wonderful little boys.
They make me want to have even more kids.
I wasn’t ready to be a dad.
When she showed me the pregnancy test I knew it didn’t matter. I was going to be a dad, ready or not.
I’d wanted to be married my whole life. I’d rush into relationships because I wanted to be married so bad. I’d fantasize about what marriage would be like.
I didn’t fantasize about being a father, though. I imagined it would happen at some point. I didn’t really think about it beyond that.
My dad died when I was three. I only have a handful of memories about him, all distorted by time.
I didn’t know how to be a dad. And at first I definitely didn’t enjoy it.
I’m still not sure I know how to be a dad. I’m easily irritated. I get impatient. Sometimes I make my kids cry.
I’m learning, though. I spend time with my kids without being asked. I spend time with them when they ask, even if I had other plans. I even enjoy it most of the time.
There are still things I don’t like. Telling them no. Disciplining them. Making them do things they don’t want to. But I want to do what’s best for them, even if it’s not enjoyable.
Am I the best dad in the world. Of course not.
But I’m getting there.