10 things I can do to start living my life to the fullest

  1. Meditate
  2. Do things that scare me
  3. Create
  4. Express myself
  5. Help others
  6. Teach my boys
  7. Love
  8. Spend time around positive optimists
  9. Experiment/Try new things
  10. Share my experiences

I’m more negative than I realized

I’ve always thought of myself as an optimist.

The future will be better.

That keeps me going.

When I think about myself I focus on the negative, though.

I have a lot of good qualities.  I hesitate to share those.  I feel like I’m bragging.

I don’t think I should ignore my negative aspects.  Those need work.

Maybe the trick is to focus on the changes I want to make.

Depression

I try to be optimistic.  I tell myself the future can be better than the present.

Sometimes it’s hard though.

Yesterday morning I was watching old family videos.

Wife and kids happy.

Now it’s coming to an end.  That makes me feel depressed.

I wish I could go back and fix it.  But I can’t.

I used to think about killing myself a lot.  I’d have a fight with my wife and think “I can’t take this anymore!”

I rarely have those thoughts anymore.  They still show up occasionally, though.

Therapy helps.  Anti-depressants help.  Thinking about how I can improve helps.

I still get depressed.

I don’t want to get divorced.  It doesn’t seem like I have a choice, though.

But I can’t give up on life.