Changes

It’s been a while since my last post.

I’ve moved out of our apartment.  Into my mom’s basement.

I’ve only spent one night there.  A long night.

I’m still staying at the apartment most nights.

I got a new laptop.  The old one kept overheating.

The wi-fi connection on the new one is flaky.  I’m not sure why.

No job yet. I’m not sure what to do about that.

I ought to start a business.  I’m not sure I’m up to it.

I need to do something, though.

Be kind to yourself

I don’t know if I ever really liked myself.

If I did I don’t remember.

I’d tell myself I was stupid.  Ugly.  Bad.

You get the idea.

I’m not stupid.  There’s plenty of proof of that.

Beauty is subjective.  So is ugliness.  All of my significant others have told me I’m handsome.  So has my mom.  😉

We all do good things.  We all do bad things.  I’ve done plenty of bad things.  Some indefensible.  But I try to be a good man.  I think that counts for a lot.

We all have hard times.  They’re a part of life.

We all need help.  We need support.  From others, and from ourselves.

Life is tough.

Don’t make it tougher than it has to be.

I was afraid to go on a mission

I was pretty sheltered as a kid.

My dad died when I was three.

My mom kept me home most of the time.  I was happy there, so I didn’t mind.

In the LDS church young men are expected to serve a full-time mission for two years.  At that time they would go at age nineteen.

I was afraid of being on my own for that long.

I’d been on my own at scout camps and events, but that was it.

I was afraid of being far from home.

I had always wanted to get married.  That seemed a lot safer, and I’d always been romantically inclined.

I had a plan.

Right after high school I would go to college for a year.  While I was there I would find someone to marry.

Never mind that I had never gone out on a date before.

Never mind that I was afraid to even talk to girls.

My plan was foolproof.

What could possibly go wrong?