On suicide

I’ve known people who have committed suicide.

I know many people who have had loved ones commit suicide.

This is for them.  And anyone else who’s lost someone to suicide.

A lot of religions teach that anyone who commits suicide automatically goes to hell.

I don’t believe that.

These are just my personal beliefs.  They are not the official position of the Church.

The God of the Universe is our Heavenly Father.

He loves us more than we can comprehend.

He knows us better than we can imagine.

He can’t ignore the wrong things we do.

But he is as kind and merciful as he can be.

Most people don’t commit suicide maliciously.

They’re hurting.  They don’t believe they’re going to stop hurting.

They don’t see another way out.

I’m not saying they’re right.  There’s always a way out.  Sometimes the only way out is through.

I’m just saying they did what they thought they had to do.

Condemning others is not our responsibility.  Nor is it our privilege.

Judgment belongs only to One.

That’s not you.

It’s not me either.

I thank God for that.

 

I don’t want to be afraid anymore

I was ashamed.

I let fear run my life.

I lied because I was afraid of what she’d say.  Afraid of what she’d do.  Afraid of how she’d feel.

Would she do if she thought I was as awful as I thought I was?  Would she leave me?

I thought I was a terrible person.  I couldn’t let anyone know how terrible I was.  No one would want to be with someone as terrible as me.

I was never good enough for me.

I had to pretend to be someone else.  To conceal my true self.

To wear a mask.

Wearing a mask all the time is exhausting.  I was always afraid of being found out.

The only time I could relax was when I was alone.

I’m tired of wearing a mask.

I’m tired of being afraid.

Taking the mask off is scary.

People will judge me.

What if no one likes me anymore?

What if I lose everyone and everything I care about?