I was ashamed.
I let fear run my life.
I lied because I was afraid of what she’d say. Afraid of what she’d do. Afraid of how she’d feel.
Would she do if she thought I was as awful as I thought I was? Would she leave me?
I thought I was a terrible person. I couldn’t let anyone know how terrible I was. No one would want to be with someone as terrible as me.
I was never good enough for me.
I had to pretend to be someone else. To conceal my true self.
To wear a mask.
Wearing a mask all the time is exhausting. I was always afraid of being found out.
The only time I could relax was when I was alone.
I’m tired of wearing a mask.
I’m tired of being afraid.
Taking the mask off is scary.
People will judge me.
What if no one likes me anymore?
What if I lose everyone and everything I care about?