On suicide

I’ve known people who have committed suicide.

I know many people who have had loved ones commit suicide.

This is for them.  And anyone else who’s lost someone to suicide.

A lot of religions teach that anyone who commits suicide automatically goes to hell.

I don’t believe that.

These are just my personal beliefs.  They are not the official position of the Church.

The God of the Universe is our Heavenly Father.

He loves us more than we can comprehend.

He knows us better than we can imagine.

He can’t ignore the wrong things we do.

But he is as kind and merciful as he can be.

Most people don’t commit suicide maliciously.

They’re hurting.  They don’t believe they’re going to stop hurting.

They don’t see another way out.

I’m not saying they’re right.  There’s always a way out.  Sometimes the only way out is through.

I’m just saying they did what they thought they had to do.

Condemning others is not our responsibility.  Nor is it our privilege.

Judgment belongs only to One.

That’s not you.

It’s not me either.

I thank God for that.

 

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is hard.

I get it.

It’s something I struggle with.  Getting hurt is part of life.  Letting go of grudges is hard.

It’s worth it, though.

Forgiveness isn’t trusting them again.  It’s just not holding a grudge.

There’s an old saying: “Hating someone is like drinking poison and expecting it to kill the other person.”

Don’t hold on to hatred.  You’re only hurting yourself.

Forgive them for your own sake.  For your own piece of mind.

You’ll be glad you did.

I still love my wife

It’s a weird situation.

My wife told me almost six months ago she wants a divorce.

She was thinking about it a long time before that.

We still live together.  We sleep in different rooms.

She hasn’t filed for divorce yet.  She talks about it occasionally, though.

I’m not really in a hurry.  I just wish I knew for sure what was going on.

I still think the world of her.

She has plenty of flaws.  I’m sure she knows that better than I do.

She wanted to be with me when I could barely support myself.

She was supportive of me when I was laid off and couldn’t find another job.

She worked to support our family so I could go to college.

She forgave me the first time I told her I’d been lying to her and that I was addicted to porn.

She stayed with me when I told her I wasn’t going to finish my degree.

Best of all, she’s given me two sweet, wonderful little boys.

I hate that I hurt her.  Again.

It hurts me to lose her.

Whatever happens though, I want her to be happy.

My big mouth

Last night my wife said something to me.  It upset me.

I thought of a response.

I wasn’t going to say it.  But rather than just keeping quiet, I said, “I won’t say it.”

She wasn’t going to let it go.  I knew she wouldn’t.

After she prodded me I told her what it was.

I knew it would hurt her.  I underestimated how much.

I instantly regretted telling her.

I think she’s still hurting today.

I wish I could take it back.

But I can’t.