…if you understood that reference, I love you.
I took my first carload of stuff to my mom’s house.
After clearing away A LOT of cobwebs, it doesn’t seem too bad.
She has a working furnace and water heater.
There’s plenty of space to work with.
There’s also PLENTY of work to do.
But I think it can be made livable.
We all want things.
Wanting things reminds us of what we don’t have.
Our dream car.
Our dream house.
A boat like the neighbors’.
The problem with wanting things is that it never ends.
Many times I’ve wanted something. Sometimes I have to wait until payday. Sometimes I have to save up.
I buy the thing I wanted. I feel satisfied for a little while.
Then I want something else.
A few weeks ago I started listing things I’m grateful for. I’m trying to make this a daily habit.
I try not to repeat myself.
It’s easy at first. I list the basics.
Then it gets harder.
I think about what’s happened to me over the last day.
I think about little things that make my life better.
Sometimes I have to think really hard.
Thinking about the good things helps me feel better about life.
It makes make more grateful.
It makes me happier.
If you need more happiness in your life (and who doesn’t) try counting your blessings.
I hate being dependent on others.
I want to buy some land. With cash.
To build a house. With cash.
I want it to be efficient.
I want to generate my own electricity. Solar. Wind. Thorium. Zero Point Energy. Whatever works.
I want to catch rain and snow. Filter it. Use it.
To grow my own food.
I want to help other people do these things.
To be free.
Several months ago my therapist asked me what I wanted. I wasn’t really sure.
He told me to find my voice.
I wasn’t sure what that even meant. Isn’t it that sound I make when I talk? The one that sounds so horrible when someone records it and plays it back?
I’m still not sure exactly what I want. I have a vague, hazy idea. It used to be better defined.
I wanted to be with my family. To be able to spend time with them.
I wanted to move to a small town. I wanted to buy some land outside of town and build a house.
I wanted to start a few internet businesses. I wanted to work from home.
I wanted to help other people. I wanted to make a difference.
I still want those things. I never had a clear idea of how to get there.
Now it’s even less clear.
I’ve found my voice in another way. I’ve found a way to express myself.
I hope it will help me get what I want.