Be kind to yourself

I don’t know if I ever really liked myself.

If I did I don’t remember.

I’d tell myself I was stupid.  Ugly.  Bad.

You get the idea.

I’m not stupid.  There’s plenty of proof of that.

Beauty is subjective.  So is ugliness.  All of my significant others have told me I’m handsome.  So has my mom.  😉

We all do good things.  We all do bad things.  I’ve done plenty of bad things.  Some indefensible.  But I try to be a good man.  I think that counts for a lot.

We all have hard times.  They’re a part of life.

We all need help.  We need support.  From others, and from ourselves.

Life is tough.

Don’t make it tougher than it has to be.

She was engaged

I had just been broken up with.

Kinda.

I was watching a movie with some girls.  I started crying.  One girl put her arm around me.

Later she and I talked about my heartbreak. Then we talked about hers.

She was engaged.  Her fiancé’s mom had died.  He hadn’t talked to her since.

He lived kind of far away.  She didn’t get to see him much.

We started spending a lot of time together.  I started to have feelings for her.  I didn’t do anything about them.  I kept telling myself we were just friends.  We were going through hard times together.

We went to a school dance together.  Just as friends.

Later I found out she had broken up with her fiancé.

I saw her in the computer lab the next day.  She started walking to the cafeteria.  I followed her for a little bit.  I was going to see if she wanted to talk.  Then I thought maybe she just wanted to be alone.  I went somewhere else.

Later I emailed her.  I asked her if she wanted to go to the dance.  She had already been asked.

She had wanted to talk to someone that day.  Another guy was there for her.  They started dating.  That could have been me.

The next term she didn’t go to school.  She went to Texas to help her twin sister with her wedding.  While she was gone her boyfriend cheated on her.  By then I had a girlfriend.

My girlfriend insisted that I get a haircut.  I had long hair at the time.  My friend who was cheated on was there.  She said if I had gotten a haircut earlier she might have broken up with her fiancé earlier.

I should have gotten a haircut sooner.