I’m not a “Good Mormon”

I’m a hypocrite.  I’m lazy.  I just don’t wanna go.

I don’t say these things to condemn myself.  I just need to work on them.

I haven’t gone to church for most of my adult life.  I’ve been wandering in the wilderness.

I don’t have a good reason.

That’s not to say I don’t have any reasons.

I have social anxiety.  Especially around people I don’t consider friends.

I haven’t made any friends at church.  Because of the social anxiety.

I feel ashamed.  I don’t live up to the Church’s standards.  I want to, but it’s hard.

That’s no excuse, though.

I love the feeling I get when I’m at Church (as long as no one’s trying to talk to me).

Sometimes I feel the Spirit so strong.

It moves me to tears.

Every week I think, “I’m going to go to church next Sunday.”

Then Sunday morning comes.

Those of you who struggle with getting to church know what I’m talking about.

Dragging myself out of bed.

Dragging the kids out of bed.

Getting them ready.

Getting me ready.

Etc.

The people who go to church every week have these problems, too.  Well, maybe not all of them.

I want to be more like them.

I feel trapped

“If you hate your job, you hate your life.”

– Dale Partridge

I really want to quit.  But I feel like I can’t.

I’m burning out.  Burned out.  Beyond burned out.

And no one seems to care.

“Just keep going.  We’re depending on you!”

I’m running myself into the ground.

“Stop complaining!”

I’m overwhelmed.

First-world problems, I know…

Maybe I’m just tired.

I never want to hear that phone ring again.

Why can’t people ever think for themselves?

In my dark moods I think some people are too stupid to live.

I’m tired of being a doormat.

I feel like my work is stupid and meaningless.

I hate myself for doing something only for money and being so gutless.

How much longer do I have to keep doing this?