There’s nothing wrong with feeling sad.

Ran out of my anti-depressants last Friday.

The health insurance I was on ended December 31st.

Without insurance a 30 day supply is $128.

I don’t have that kind of money just lying around.

I wanted to quit at some point.  This seems like as good a time as any.

They biggest thing I’ve noticed is the dizziness.  I think that’s getting better.

Have I felt sad more often?  Yes.

I don’t feel sad all the time.

I haven’t thought about killing myself.

I feel more irritable than I did before I started taking them last summer.  Hopefully that will pass.

I’m tired of feeling like a robot.  Maybe other pharmaceuticals wouldn’t cause that.

I also worry about side effects.

I’ve read several articles stating that anti-depressants can cause BRAIN DAMAGE.

I’ve read other articles which say many times depression is caused by a lack of proper nutrition.

I’m going to keep taking my blood pressure pills for now.  I’m sure I won’t need those either once I start eating better and losing weight.

Ultimately, I don’t trust pharmaceuticals.

Or the glorified drug dealers pushing them.

“Side effects may include increased bleeding, loss of libido, inability to think clearly, dementia, and DEATH.  In a clinical trial a significant percentage of participants died.  Ask your doctor if ***** is right for you.”

Antidepressant

I have a love/hate relationship with my antidepressant.

I forgot to take it yesterday.

Today I feel really dizzy.  Confused.  Irritable.

When I take them I don’t feel suicidal.  At all.  Ever.

I can’t put a price on that.

Before I’d have a fight with my wife.  I’d leave.  I’d think about ways to kill myself.  I’d cry a lot.

I don’t have to deal with that anymore.

I hate that it takes a drug not to feel that way.

I hate that my doctor will only give me a three-month supply.

I hate that he demands that I make another office visit before he’ll give me more.

That doesn’t feel like freedom.

It feels like slavery.

I’ve thought about just quitting.

I tried it once.  I went three days without it.

I was okay for a while.  The last day I had a meltdown.

I was on a lower dose at the time.

I’ve thought about gradually reducing my dose.  That’s what I’ll do when I decide to stop.

I think I need to wait until after my wife moves out with the boys.

I might even need a higher dose to get through that.

I hate this.