Not what I expected

At first she was going to start living with her parents.  She’d just come back to pack up.

Then she decided to just stay there on weekends.  The boys didn’t want to change schools.

She ended up not going at all this last weekend.

I took my older son to see The Last Jedi.  My younger son was afraid it would be scary.

I don’t know the future.

I’m glad I spent time with my boys.

I know they’ll to be okay.

So will I.

 

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

10 ways I can help my mom

  1. Get repairs done to her house
  2. Get her a new house
  3. Get her some physical therapy
  4. Get her to see a therapist
  5. Support her so she can stop working
  6. Help her with lanudry
  7. Help her with grocery shopping
  8. Change all the burned out light bulbs
  9. Let her see my boys more often
  10. Take her to the zoo, etc., and rent her a scooter.

10 ways I can teach my boys

  1. Directly
  2. Taking them to museums
  3. Taking them to Church
  4. Working
  5. Not losing my temper
  6. Showing them alternatives
  7. Helping them think outside the box
  8. Taking them out into nature
  9. Meditating with them
  10. Helping them set goals

Things I’m grateful for today 20180111

  1. Not feeling sad all the time
  2. Anti-depressants
  3. My boys haven’t left yet
  4. I have another paycheck coming
  5. Severance
  6. My creativity
  7. Water
  8. Being clean
  9. Repentance
  10. Online bill pay

Should I stay or should I go?

My wife told me she wants a divorce.  Six months ago.

She hasn’t filed yet.  I’m sure she’s going to.

I lost my job at the end of the year.

Tensions are high at home.

Up to this point I’ve decided to stay.  I want to be with my boys as much as possible.

Sometimes things are okay at home.

Sometimes they’re unbearable.

I don’t want to do something I’ll regret.

I don’t want my boys to feel abandoned.

I don’t know how much longer I can handle the tension, though.

Things I’m grateful for 20180104

  1. Being able to hold my tongue (most of the time)
  2. Cuddling with my boys
  3. Hope for a better future
  4. A supportive mom
  5. My therapist
  6. My faith
  7. People posting resources online
  8. Nature
  9. Small towns
  10. Love

10 ways to live well

  1. Spend lots of quality time with my boys
  2. Be as spiritual as possible
  3. Eat well
  4. Exercise regularly
  5. Make a meaningful contribution to the world
  6. Help others make a meaningful contribution to the world
  7. Spend time with people who care about me
  8. Avoid negative people
  9. Travel
  10. Get plenty of sleep

10 ways to laugh more

  1. Watch Studio C
  2. Watch stand up comedy
  3. Watch sitcoms
  4. Spend a day with my boys
  5. Play practical jokes on people
  6. Get tickled
  7. Watch people ice skate for the first time
  8. Watch Family Feud
  9. Get a pet
  10. Play HedBanz

Antidepressant

I have a love/hate relationship with my antidepressant.

I forgot to take it yesterday.

Today I feel really dizzy.  Confused.  Irritable.

When I take them I don’t feel suicidal.  At all.  Ever.

I can’t put a price on that.

Before I’d have a fight with my wife.  I’d leave.  I’d think about ways to kill myself.  I’d cry a lot.

I don’t have to deal with that anymore.

I hate that it takes a drug not to feel that way.

I hate that my doctor will only give me a three-month supply.

I hate that he demands that I make another office visit before he’ll give me more.

That doesn’t feel like freedom.

It feels like slavery.

I’ve thought about just quitting.

I tried it once.  I went three days without it.

I was okay for a while.  The last day I had a meltdown.

I was on a lower dose at the time.

I’ve thought about gradually reducing my dose.  That’s what I’ll do when I decide to stop.

I think I need to wait until after my wife moves out with the boys.

I might even need a higher dose to get through that.

I hate this.