At first she was going to start living with her parents. She’d just come back to pack up.
Then she decided to just stay there on weekends. The boys didn’t want to change schools.
She ended up not going at all this last weekend.
I took my older son to see The Last Jedi. My younger son was afraid it would be scary.
I don’t know the future.
I’m glad I spent time with my boys.
I know they’ll to be okay.
So will I.
And now back to our regularly scheduled programming.
Do you ever feel like you want to go home… while you’re at home?
I feel that way all the time.
When I’m spending time with my boys I feel at home. If they’re not fighting.
Home isn’t really a place. It’s a feeling.
I miss it.
My wife told me she wants a divorce. Six months ago.
She hasn’t filed yet. I’m sure she’s going to.
I lost my job at the end of the year.
Tensions are high at home.
Up to this point I’ve decided to stay. I want to be with my boys as much as possible.
Sometimes things are okay at home.
Sometimes they’re unbearable.
I don’t want to do something I’ll regret.
I don’t want my boys to feel abandoned.
I don’t know how much longer I can handle the tension, though.
I have a love/hate relationship with my antidepressant.
I forgot to take it yesterday.
Today I feel really dizzy. Confused. Irritable.
When I take them I don’t feel suicidal. At all. Ever.
I can’t put a price on that.
Before I’d have a fight with my wife. I’d leave. I’d think about ways to kill myself. I’d cry a lot.
I don’t have to deal with that anymore.
I hate that it takes a drug not to feel that way.
I hate that my doctor will only give me a three-month supply.
I hate that he demands that I make another office visit before he’ll give me more.
That doesn’t feel like freedom.
It feels like slavery.
I’ve thought about just quitting.
I tried it once. I went three days without it.
I was okay for a while. The last day I had a meltdown.
I was on a lower dose at the time.
I’ve thought about gradually reducing my dose. That’s what I’ll do when I decide to stop.
I think I need to wait until after my wife moves out with the boys.
I might even need a higher dose to get through that.
I hate this.