Emergency

Then I broke down the door.

She hadn’t show up to the party.  We were all waiting for her.

She’d had a terrible week.  The last few months weren’t the best, either.

No one else seemed concerned.

I asked one of her roommates for her key.  I drove to the house they were renting.

The door to her room was locked.

I tried to talk her into opening the door.  She refused.  She sounded distraught.

I thought I smelled blood.

I did what I had to.

Once I was in I saw them.  Ibuprofen tablets scattered around the room.

No blood.

I tried carrying her up the stairs.  I made it almost all the way up.  I wasn’t quite strong enough.

She got away from me.

I called my friends for help.

After what felt like an eternity they arrived.

So did the paramedics.

So did the Bishop.

The paramedics took her.

We went through her room.  We made sure there were no more pills stashed away.

We went to the Emergency Room to check on her.  She seemed much calmer and happier.

Eventually all the roommates moved out.

She moved away.

I heard she got married.  Then divorced.  Then married.

I hope she’s doing okay.

Why I’m still a Mormon

I’m not a shining example of  “Good Mormon.”

I’ve struggled with pornography most of my adult life.

I’ve lied countless times.  I don’t want people thinking bad things about me.

I’ve been inactive in the Church for most of my adult life.

It would be easier to just leave the Church completely.

But I don’t.

I can’t.

I know it’s true.

Turning my back on the Church would be like turning my back on myself.

When I was twenty-four I hadn’t gone to church for several years.

I felt like I needed to go back.  I was afraid to talk to a bishop.  Afraid to confess my sins.

I decided to take some religion classes.  I could get some spirituality in my life without any pressure.

After about six months I decided to go to church.

I only went for Sacrament meeting.  I didn’t go in the chapel.  I sat out in the foyer and listened.

After a few months I had my records transferred to that ward.

I started sitting in the chapel during Sacrament meeting.

Eventually I started going to all the meetings.

Then one day in priesthood meeting one of the other guys told me a group of guys were going to see a movie together.  He asked if I’d like to come.

I got spooked.

I didn’t go back to church for awhile.

I slowly started going again, eventually going to all the meetings.

Then one Sunday it happened.

Just before Sacrament the Bishop’s Secretary came up to me.  He asked if I could see the Bishop after the meeting.

This was it.

The Bishop had just wanted to meet me.  I spilled my guts anyway.

I felt so much better afterward.

I started meeting with him every week.

At that point I decided I’d better find out for myself if the Church was really true.

I’d believed it was for years.  I was never quite sure, though.

I’d been reading the Book of Mormon on and off for several months.

I’d never finished the whole thing.

I decided now was the time.

I finished it.  Then I prayed about it.

I got a feeling I’d never felt before.

I knew it was true.

I still do.