I’m secretive

“People will make fun of me for the music I like.”

“I’m a disgusting porn addict.  If anyone finds out they’ll know how disgusting I am.”

“If anyone finds out I believe in conspiracies they’ll think I’m crazy.  No one will ever want to talk to me again.”

These are just a few examples of thoughts I’ve had.

I’m afraid of ridicule.

Of rejection.

Of confrontation.

So I hide the things I think people won’t like.

I’m trying do undo that now.

Forcing myself to disclose things I think people won’t like.

Maybe I will lose some friends.  I hope not.

But maybe some friendships will grow stronger.

Maybe I’ll gain some friends, too.

I’m a scared little boy

So many things I haven’t done because I was afraid.

So many things I have done because I was afraid.

I let fear rule my life.

Fear is the main reason I haven’t started any businesses yet.

Fear is why I don’t get closer to people.

Open up to them.

Express myself.

I’ve done jobs I’ve hated for most of my adult life because I was afraid to try something new.

I’m tired of being afraid.

Find your voice

People are afraid to speak up.

To let others know what they think.  What they believe.

Afraid to let others see who they really are.

They’re ashamed.

They don’t feel good enough.

That was me.  I was afraid.  I thought I’d lose all my friends.  No one would ever want to talk to me again.

But I knew something had to change.

I spoke up (so to speak).

I’m a very flawed human being.

That’s okay.

Everyone else is flawed, too.

Tell your story.

Let people see the real you.

That’s how people connect.  At least, I think that’s how it works.

I’m not an expert.  I’m just a guy with a blog.

But it’s helped me.

I don’t want to be afraid anymore

I was ashamed.

I let fear run my life.

I lied because I was afraid of what she’d say.  Afraid of what she’d do.  Afraid of how she’d feel.

Would she do if she thought I was as awful as I thought I was?  Would she leave me?

I thought I was a terrible person.  I couldn’t let anyone know how terrible I was.  No one would want to be with someone as terrible as me.

I was never good enough for me.

I had to pretend to be someone else.  To conceal my true self.

To wear a mask.

Wearing a mask all the time is exhausting.  I was always afraid of being found out.

The only time I could relax was when I was alone.

I’m tired of wearing a mask.

I’m tired of being afraid.

Taking the mask off is scary.

People will judge me.

What if no one likes me anymore?

What if I lose everyone and everything I care about?