My artist friend

He lived down the hall from me.  Everyone in the dorm had to share a room.  After the first term his roommate left school, so he had the room to himself.

I’d talk to him about the woes of my love life.  He was a good listener and he’s share stories of his own.  Sometimes we’d go for long walks together.  Once we even walked to the next town, six miles away.

It was the end of the school year.  I asked if I could move in with him.  He was reluctant at first.  He enjoyed having a room to himself.

I explained the difficulties I’d been having with my roommate.  He agreed to let me move in.

I broke up with my first serious girlfriend/fiancee.  I called him and told him what happened.  I hadn’t seen him for a few years.  He was going to school an hour and a half away.  He invited me to come visit him the next day.  He spent the day with me.  He introduced me to some of his friends and showed me around campus.  He asked me to consider going to school there.

That was the last time I saw him.

I’ve contacted him several times since then, most recently on Facebook.  It’s not the same.

I miss my friend.

I’m so glad I met him.

I’m incredibly awkward

I’m uncomfortable a lot.

I give a lot of one-word answers when I’m not comfortable.

I’m not good at small talk.

I’m bad at letting people know when a conversation is over.

I’m not good at reading people’s emotions.  I might be slightly autistic.

I have trouble finding the right words.

Sometimes I st-st-stutter.  I trip over my tongue.

I’m not friendly.  Not because I don’t like someone.   I’m not sure what’s appropriate, so I err on the side of caution.

I get wrapped up in my own thoughts.  I don’t like being interrupted.  I get annoyed.

I don’t like talking to strangers.  It’s stressful.  It’s uncomfortable.

If you hi to me on the street and I don’t recognize you you’ll probably get a strange reaction.  Don’t take it personally.

I’m just incredibly awkward.

She was engaged

I had just been broken up with.

Kinda.

I was watching a movie with some girls.  I started crying.  One girl put her arm around me.

Later she and I talked about my heartbreak. Then we talked about hers.

She was engaged.  Her fiancé’s mom had died.  He hadn’t talked to her since.

He lived kind of far away.  She didn’t get to see him much.

We started spending a lot of time together.  I started to have feelings for her.  I didn’t do anything about them.  I kept telling myself we were just friends.  We were going through hard times together.

We went to a school dance together.  Just as friends.

Later I found out she had broken up with her fiancé.

I saw her in the computer lab the next day.  She started walking to the cafeteria.  I followed her for a little bit.  I was going to see if she wanted to talk.  Then I thought maybe she just wanted to be alone.  I went somewhere else.

Later I emailed her.  I asked her if she wanted to go to the dance.  She had already been asked.

She had wanted to talk to someone that day.  Another guy was there for her.  They started dating.  That could have been me.

The next term she didn’t go to school.  She went to Texas to help her twin sister with her wedding.  While she was gone her boyfriend cheated on her.  By then I had a girlfriend.

My girlfriend insisted that I get a haircut.  I had long hair at the time.  My friend who was cheated on was there.  She said if I had gotten a haircut earlier she might have broken up with her fiancé earlier.

I should have gotten a haircut sooner.

I’m an extreme introvert

I need a lot of time to myself.  Being  around people drains my energy.  Being alone recharges me.  When I don’t get time to myself I get tired, frustrated.

I generally prefer small groups when I am with people.   I enjoy being around my family the most.

I don’t like dealing with strangers.

I’m not good at talking.  Especially small talk.  I’m better at writing. It gives me time to think about what I want to say.  I can go back and edit/proofread it.

 Talking on the phone is the worst.  I lose the benefits of talking to someone in person without gaining any of the benefits of writing.
A lot of the things I enjoy are one-person activities: video games, programming, surfing the intarwebs, reading, model building, drawing, writing, etc.