Becoming a minimalist?

I love minimalism.

Or at least, I like the idea of being a minimalist. I have way too much stuff right now to consider myself a minimalist.

I get too attached to stuff.

I’ve had an idea for a while now. Put all my stuff into clear plastic storage bins. Put everything into a storage unit, then move.

As I found myself wanting things I would add them to a list. I’d go to the storage unit and retrieve only those things.

At first I would go once a day. Then a few times a week. Then once a month.

Then never.

I would lose my attachment to what’s left. Then sell it. Or just stop paying for the unit.

How to improve my situation

I hate the way things are right now.

I hate being dependent on my mom.

I hate not being able to shower at home.

I hate not having internet at home.

I hate having to see my in-laws every day.

I hate not being able to join a singles ward.

So what do I do about it?

The most obvious thing is to figure out a way to make money. I really don’t want to get a full-time job though.

Eventually I want to make enough money as a blogger to pay the bills. I’m still not sure how to do that yet, though.

I’m thinking what I could do in the meantime is get a part-time job. I could do that in the mornings, then go somewhere and do some online work. Fiverr, Upwork, etc.

I’m thinking of renting a desk somewhere. At first I could use the money from my part-time job. Then once I start making enough money from online work I could quit my part-time job. Then I can figure out how to monetize this blog.

At first I just need to make enough to cover my rented desk and a few other things. Then eventually make enough to rent an apartment. Then I could just work from home. And have a place to shower, without going to the gym.

And I would actually have a place to spend time with my boys, without having to see my in-laws.

That would be nice.

I also need to see about getting the divorce finalized. I haven’t been pushing for it, but I can’t join a singles ward as long as I’m still technically married. I’m not in a hurry to get a girlfriend or anything, but I’d like to be able to make friends.

I think I’ll feel better after that.

My greatest blessings

Sometimes I have deep conversations with my kids, especially my ten-year-old. He says some really intelligent things. Sometimes things that make me wonder if he’s a genius.

My seven-year-old is really sweet. He always wants to hug and cuddle, and he always wants me to stay with him until he falls asleep.

There are a lot of negative things about my life right now, but my sweet boys make it worthwhile. I’m so glad I have them.

Emotional isolation

I haven’t hung out with any of my friends for a long time. A really long time.

The last time I saw any of my friends was at my friend’s mom’s funeral. That was over a year and a half ago.

I love my boys. I’m glad I get to see them every day. But it’s not the same.

I also see my still-not-yet-ex-wife every day. And her parents.

These are the five people I spend the most time with.

Number six is my mom. There isn’t a number seven.

I go to my addiction recovery group most weeks. Most of the time I don’t talk to anyone.

I don’t talk to anyone at church. Or anyplace else I go.

I need to talk to my old friends. It’s been so long that I’m scared to reach out.

I need to make new friends. That’s scary, too.

I also worry my boys will feel deprived if I start spending less time with them.

Recruited

I was a mess.

I’d never been away from my boys that long before.

Last May my still-not-yet-ex-wife took my boys to California. They were gone for a week and a half.

They left on a Sunday morning.

Despite it being Sunday I went to the gym to shower. I hadn’t showered for a few days.

I steam for a while before showing. Then it’s less noticeable that I’m only there to shower.

That day a young guy walked into the steam room after me. He had a seat and started talking to me. I started thinking of excuses to leave.

He asked me if I liked to read. We started discussing self-help books.

He told me about a group of mentors he was a part of.

A few days earlier I’d watched a video called “DO NOT be a Lone Wolf.” It said to find help achieving my goals. So I’d decided to try to find a mentor.

He asked me for my phone number. I told him I never answer my phone.

Something inside said not to let him get away.

I gave him my email address.

The next day I was at Barnes and Noble. I was looking for Robert Kiyosaki’s Cashflow Quadrant. While pulling it off the shelf, I heard someone call my name.

It was the young guy from the steam room.

He hadn’t emailed me yet. I’d worried he wasn’t going to.

I thought this must be a sign.

Guy Fawkes Day

Remember, remember!
The fifth of November,
The Gunpowder treason and plot;
I know of no reason
Why the Gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot!
Guy Fawkes and his companions
Did the scheme contrive,
To blow the King and Parliament
All up alive.
Threescore barrels, laid below,
To prove old England’s overthrow.
But, by God’s providence, him they catch,
With a dark lantern, lighting a match!
A stick and a stake
For King James’s sake!
If you won’t give me one,
I’ll take two,
The better for me,
And the worse for you.
A rope, a rope, to hang the Pope,
A penn’orth of cheese to choke him,
A pint of beer to wash it down,
And a jolly good fire to burn him.
Holloa, boys! holloa, boys! make the bells ring!
Holloa, boys! holloa boys! God save the King!
Hip, hip, hooor-r-r-ray!

  • Habing, B. (2006, November 3). The Fifth of November – English Folk Verse. Retrieved from http://www.potw.org/archive/potw405.html

Lack

I get stuck.

It’s easy to only see what I lack. To see what I want, but don’t have. It makes me miserable.

It’s so much better to do the opposite. To remember all the good things in my life. To be grateful. It always makes me feel better.

So why do I keep focusing on what I lack?

I don’t want to “be satisfied with what I have.” I need to have some ambition, some drive.

I struggle with that, too.

I come up with plans. Ways to get out.

But then I don’t do anything about them.

I get distracted. I forget.

I’m afraid.

Afraid of losing what I have.