She was engaged

I had just been broken up with.

Kinda.

I was watching a movie with some girls.  I started crying.  One girl put her arm around me.

Later she and I talked about my heartbreak. Then we talked about hers.

She was engaged.  Her fiancé’s mom had died.  He hadn’t talked to her since.

He lived kind of far away.  She didn’t get to see him much.

We started spending a lot of time together.  I started to have feelings for her.  I didn’t do anything about them.  I kept telling myself we were just friends.  We were going through hard times together.

We went to a school dance together.  Just as friends.

Later I found out she had broken up with her fiancé.

I saw her in the computer lab the next day.  She started walking to the cafeteria.  I followed her for a little bit.  I was going to see if she wanted to talk.  Then I thought maybe she just wanted to be alone.  I went somewhere else.

Later I emailed her.  I asked her if she wanted to go to the dance.  She had already been asked.

She had wanted to talk to someone that day.  Another guy was there for her.  They started dating.  That could have been me.

The next term she didn’t go to school.  She went to Texas to help her twin sister with her wedding.  While she was gone her boyfriend cheated on her.  By then I had a girlfriend.

My girlfriend insisted that I get a haircut.  I had long hair at the time.  My friend who was cheated on was there.  She said if I had gotten a haircut earlier she might have broken up with her fiancé earlier.

I should have gotten a haircut sooner.

2 thoughts on “She was engaged”

  1. Phil, I say this with all the love and compassion from a friend. Stop looking at what could have or might have happ3ned in you’re past. You will end up more miserable than you are now. You state you want a relationship with you’re kids then work on that. Don’t keep having pity parties and blaming yourself. Everybody makes mistakes. You are your own worst enemy and the person that can judge themselves the hardest. The Savior died for our sins so we could make it back home again to our loving Heavenly Father. You are not so far gone that the gift of the Savior cannot save you. If you let Him, He will help lighten your load but you have to be willing to take that first step. Everyone has made mistakes and at this time you may very well feel unforgivable but my dear friend you are. Start looking at your life with fresh eyes. You’ve been laying down in the for too long and it’s time to dust yourself off and try again. I love you dearly and I’ll help you in any way possible but you have to decide to do it for you. Get to it!

    1. Hi, Jan. Sorry for taking so long to get back to you.

      I think the pity party you’re referring to is the part at the end where I said, “I should have gotten a haircut sooner.”

      What I really meant was that if I had, I might have avoided this: http://philsbraincloud.net/?p=374.

      I’m at peace with where I am now. It’s not where I wanted to be, but I’m slowly starting to move forward.

      Thanks for being concerned about me. I’m glad to know there are people out there who care so much.

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