Brain Cloud

What’s a “Brain Cloud”?

It’s a bubble which appears above someone’s head, letting you know their thoughts.

Like in a comic.

It’s also a movie reference.

In Joe Versus the Volcano, the titular character is told by a doctor that he has a “brain cloud”.  The doctor explains that a brain cloud is a fatal disease with no symptoms.  He tells Joe that he has six months to live.

Joe goes back to work.  He tells off his boss and quits.  On the way out he asks out the co-worker he’s had a crush on for years.  He goes on to have an amazing adventure.

Joe has to believe he’s dying before he gets the courage to live.

In a way, my divorce has done the same thing for me.

I know that my life needs to change.  Drastically.

And now’s the time.

What does that mean?  I don’t really know.

But I’m going to find out.

An ending

I failed.

I always wanted to be married.

I never questioned whether I was ready.

When it finally happened, I wasn’t.

I wasn’t open enough.

Honest enough.

Vulnerable enough.

Proactive enough.

Etc.

That doesn’t mean I’m a failure.  I can always try again.

I’m not sure when (or if) I want to, though.

I’m a polymath, a Renaissance man

I’m good at some left-brain things.  Better than most right-brain people.

I’m good at some right-brain things.  Better than most left-brain people.
I’ll probably never be the best at one particular thing.
But I’ve got an uncommon point of view.

The Wall

Yesterday afternoon I took my boys to a park.  It’s not close to where they or I live.  We’ve visited it several times.

At the park’s playground is a large concrete structure.  One of the sides is a vertical wall about  six to seven feet high.  There are lots of pipes bent into loops sticking out to climb on.

I challenged my boys to climb it.  They were both nervous.  Soon my six-year-old had climbed to the top and was waving happily at me.

My nine-year-old made several attempts, never getting more than a foot or two off the ground.

My six-year-old eventually made the climb thirty times.

I asked my nine-year-old why he hadn’t made it up yet.  He was scared.  I showed him how easy it was for his brother.  There was nothing to be afraid of.  I offered him whatever help he needed.

He refused to make the climb.

He just wanted to go home and watch TV.

I told him we weren’t leaving until he climbed at least once.

After some coaxing he started to climb.

I gave him directions.

I held his feet so they wouldn’t slip.

He got scared.  He tried to climb back down.

I wouldn’t let him.

I told him he could do it.  That he was almost there.

His younger brother stood at the top, offering him help.

Eventually he made it.

He was shaking like a leaf.

On the way home I talked to him about the experience.  We discussed why it’s important to do things even though we’re afraid.  That anything worth doing is going to be scary at first.

It’s advice I needed to hear.

Did I do the right thing?  I don’t know.

I’ve seen him give up out of fear so many times before.  He needs to break this habit.

So do I.

Still here

It’s been a while since I posted.

I spent as much time as I could with my boys over the summer.

Now they’re in school.

I still spend as much time with them as I can.  I see them every day.  It’s not as much as before, though.  Obviously.

It’s a lot more than most guys in my position, though.

Changes

A couple of weeks ago we moved out of our apartment.

I’m staying at my mom’s house.  Living in the basement.

My wife and kids are living with her parents.

I’ve been spending most of my waking hours with my boys.  I miss living with them, but I’m glad I get to be with them so much.

It’s more than most separated/divorced dads get.

I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up.

I don’t want to do any more phone jobs.  I have almost no experience doing anything else.

I want to be my own boss.  Make my own rules.

I need to find my purpose.  My passion.  I’m not sure how to do that.

I wasted my 20’s.

Not that the whole decade was a waste.  Some good stuff happened.

I could have done so much more, though.  I did a bunch of stupid, meaningless jobs.

I could have been finding myself.

Now at 40 I’m going to be doing what I should have been doing then.

What is it I want?

Civility

I don’t have a lot of political discussions on Facebook.  It seems like they always go badly.

Today a friend of mine shared a Pro-Second Amendment post. I shared it to my profile and blog page.

Most posts I share get little to no response.  Not this one.

Obviously, things got a little heated.  But things ended on a good note.

This illustrates an important point:  People may have extremely different opinions from us.  But that doesn’t make them monsters.  And we don’t have to act like monsters.

Python

I’ve bought at least a dozen courses on Udemy. I’m not sure I’ve finished any of them.

One of the courses I bought was The Python Mega Course. I decided I should start going through it.

Python is a programming language. It’s supposed to be good for beginners. Python is also used for web development.

I’ve done Python tutorials before, but it’s been awhile. This course also includes 10 real-world programs.

I’m hoping once I finish the course I can use Python to make some money. Meanwhile I’ll learn whatever else I need to be a real boy web developer.