A couple of weeks ago we moved out of our apartment.
I’m staying at my mom’s house. Living in the basement.
My wife and kids are living with her parents.
I’ve been spending most of my waking hours with my boys. I miss living with them, but I’m glad I get to be with them so much.
It’s more than most separated/divorced dads get.
I don’t want to do any more phone jobs. I have almost no experience doing anything else.
I want to be my own boss. Make my own rules.
I need to find my purpose. My passion. I’m not sure how to do that.
I wasted my 20’s.
Not that the whole decade was a waste. Some good stuff happened.
I could have done so much more, though. I did a bunch of stupid, meaningless jobs.
I could have been finding myself.
Now at 40 I’m going to be doing what I should have been doing then.
What is it I want?
I don’t have a lot of political discussions on Facebook. It seems like they always go badly.
Today a friend of mine shared a Pro-Second Amendment post. I shared it to my profile and blog page.
Most posts I share get little to no response. Not this one.
Obviously, things got a little heated. But things ended on a good note.
This illustrates an important point: People may have extremely different opinions from us. But that doesn’t make them monsters. And we don’t have to act like monsters.
I’ve bought at least a dozen courses on Udemy. I’m not sure I’ve finished any of them.
One of the courses I bought was The Python Mega Course. I decided I should start going through it.
Python is a programming language. It’s supposed to be good for beginners. Python is also used for web development.
I’ve done Python tutorials before, but it’s been awhile. This course also includes 10 real-world programs.
I’m hoping once I finish the course I can use Python to make some money. Meanwhile I’ll learn whatever else I need to be a real
boy web developer.
I keep seeing these articles.
“Stop being a people-pleaser!”
“You’ll have so much less stress!”
How do I do that?
I hate it when people are mad at me.
It eats at me.
It seems like I always end up giving in.
Then I get mad at myself.
People make jokes at my expense. I laugh along with them.
I’m laughing on the outside. I’m hurting on the inside.
I try not to take myself too seriously. Maybe I don’t take myself seriously enough.
I’ve never been good at standing up for myself.
I don’t like to be laughed at.
Made fun of.
I need to grow a spine.
I need to assert myself. To not worry about who it will offend.
My feelings are important too.
If you don’t think so, you can get lost.
There’s too much negativity in this world. It’s made us sick.
I only have one issue with what Prince EA says:
We can’t rely on government. We can’t rely on schools.
We need to solve our own problems.
We need to be positive as individuals.
I’m not saying we should ignore anything negative. Ignoring problems doesn’t make them go away.
But we should focus on what’s positive. What’s good. What we can do to help.
Take care of yourself.
Do what you can for others.
Encourage them to do the same.
Make your world a better place.
Sometimes when I can’t be with my boys it hurts. It feels like there’s a huge hole in my heart.
Other times I’m fine.
I don’t know what makes the difference.
When I was younger I would dream about marriage. I wanted to get married as far back as I can remember.
Fatherhood was something I rarely gave any thought.
I figured I would have kids at some point. I didn’t think about it beyond that.
Sometimes it’s all I can think about now.
I want to spend as much time with my boys as I can.
I want them to have the best future they can.
I want to do whatever I can to make that happen.
I want to have the best relationships with them I can.
I want them to be the best men they can be.
I want them to learn from my bad choices.
To not go through what I’ve been through.
Do I want to be a freelancer?
I’ve been thinking about this for years now.
I think it’s what I want to do. Or at least where I want to start.
I’m scared, though.
Will I be able to get jobs?
Will I be able to support myself?
It’s so different from anything I’ve done before.
That’s what scares me.
It’s also what makes me want to try it.
It’s been a while since my last post.
I’ve moved out of our apartment. Into my mom’s basement.
I’ve only spent one night there. A long night.
I’m still staying at the apartment most nights.
I got a new laptop. The old one kept overheating.
The wi-fi connection on the new one is flaky. I’m not sure why.
No job yet. I’m not sure what to do about that.
I ought to start a business. I’m not sure I’m up to it.
I need to do something, though.